Going on a road trip
It's the 31st of January, and I left my cozy home in New York this morning before the sun was up to catch a bus out to Michigan. To Grand Rapids, actually, and the beautiful flat of dear friends.And to a "big" conference on "faith and development," actually.
We had our first plenary session tonight in a freezing hall, and I found myself nodding off to sleep despite the bone seeping chill. Granted, I had stayed up all but 45 minutes of the night before to finish up papers and several articles (ah, the life of a full-time student and journalist!), but the fact is, the subject held very little interest to me tonight in the meeting.
I appreciated what the speaker had to say, and I certainly appreciated her willingness to share it. But I also appreciate the fact that I have found one thing on my list I can truly conclude I do not wish to take a career in. Development--community, sustainable, or otherwise--is not the life for me.
It is needed, and desirable, and excellent and admirable when acted out appropriately, but it is not needed of me nor desirable to me personally.
And that is good to realise. Good to free myself of, without twinges of guilt. It is not, after all, that I am not interested in "caring for the world," but rather that I choose other means by which to care for it.
Leaving home this morning, I was so happy and excited that, despite a practically complete lack of sleep, I was bubbling over with energy. Literally. Flurries were floating on the air, and the ground was splattered with black ice every now and again, causing, of course, and occassionaly short-circuited shriek. To the disgust of those around me as well as myself, actually, I found myself chanting "we're going on a road trip; we're going on a road trip!"
After all, it has been such a while since I've been out somewhere--almost a whole month now, and I was ready to get moving again...
But the fact is, I find that chant rather an adequate description of my life over all right now. I am going on a road trip. Perhaps I have been on one for a while now without particularly noticing it--or rather, perhaps it has been the same road trip this whole time, where I thought it a series of smaller ones. I am on a road trip.
Self discovery? I should hope so.
But I should also hope, not only so.
Perhaps it is a road trip, simply, of discovery itself. Of wonder.
Certainly this final term in university is a trip! It is the final stretch of "assumed" student-hood; any studies here on out are entirely of my own accord, battle, and desire. No one "expects" me to continue on for an MA of PhD. But I do intend to...
It is also, perhaps, the final stretch of my life in NY, although, I am considering staying on longer. Considering, mind you. Who can say where the road will lead?
I would like to know a little of just where I would like to go. I would like to walk this road feeling a little less...lost.
But perhaps I can set the challenge to myself to view this journey with all the excitement I view a road trip; a trip where, while I know I may get lost somewhere or another, I will eventually end up where I want to be with everything all worked out for good somehow.
It is the Eve of February, and I am on a road trip.
posted by Lada @ 8:44 PM
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